Chinese Democracy: Godot Shows Up.

So after 17 years of ginger braids, tight white cycling shorts and firing anyone who comes within forty feet of the studio, Axl Rose is finally ready to stop stropping in the corner like a spurned sister and chuck out his mega-opus ‘Chinese Democracy’, G n R’s first studio album since the simultaneous release of ‘Use Your Illusion I’ and ‘Use Your Illusion II’ in 1991. Although it’s hardly news, being all over everywhere since the title-track single from comebacksupersmash ‘Chinese Democracy’ hit radio, the album that always almost wasn’t will be available from November 23 at Best Buy and BestBuy.com, in formats new and old respectively.

Awwww, shame isn’t it? Was anyone seriously anticipating this album? Like Brian Wilson’s ‘Smile’, wasn’t the charm in its forever delayed stasis? Wasn’t the fun of the wait the belief that it would never show up?

Perhaps, but it’s here now, so what of it? You’ ll have made your mind up within a minute. A Hammer Horror intro of suitably ethereal sound effects and wind-tunnel chattering creates either brooding atmosphere or an entirely pointless navel-gazing prefix, depending on your disposition. Within 90 seconds the patented Axl scream, guitar histronics and barrel-chested drums announce themselves and come together to toil into something that’s moderately memorable. Then there’s some soloing around the three-minute point that sounds like several stadium-rock fieldmice scurrying up and down a fretboard, and for a few seconds its all rather good. But the whole thing smells slightly of despair – not entirely camouflaged by the maximalist production and, naturally, it isn’t a patch on any of the good stuff. Like an Easter egg, it’s a tasty shell packaged around a hollow centre. Those who were always going to love it will and those who hate G n R can have all their prejudices conveniently reaffirmed. But after 17 long years of affluent LA living, what could anyone expect? Success breeds complacency and Axl’s got nothing left to prove. It’s the same as all the Great Big Comebacks; more of the same, just slightly less good. Suck cess – what a mess..

And now Dr Pepper have some losses to absorb.