Beggars Belief, Beggars Can’t Be Choosers, Etc. Etc.

So the new Foreign Beggar single ‘Hit That Gash’ is starting to make waves across the blogoverse in preparation for the imminent album ‘drop’. And why not, after the urbane mix of lyrical genius and breezeblock-solid beats that was ‘Asylum Speakers’ and ‘Stray Point Agenda’? But wait! Why aren’t we going batshit with joy in a feverish fit of bodypopping delirium? Well, for starters the beat sounds like a Dalek dipped in amyl nitrate fondling a kickdrum outside a cheesy disco, which rolls around under a wheelbarrow full of tediously priapic Fiddy-esque “I’m so thugged up and blinged out and knee deep in the skeef” lyrics that you always thought the Beggar Boys were better than. ‘Hit That Gash’ isn’t bad per se, but after a three year wait it’s a long way from good – we haven’t been this disappointed since we found that turd in Grandpa’s cutlery drawer.

It’s also largely composed of French rapping and production, courtesy of Rouge A Levres. Which is a shame, because French rap is a bit rubbish it’s difficult to ‘dig’ what they are ‘spitting’. To make matters worse, in a feat of shit punnery almost as cringe-worthy as Public Enemy’s ‘New Whirl Odor’ (which becomes ‘New World Order’ if you scratch your head and squint at it for several hours), Foreign Beggars have sagely decided to call their next effort ‘United Colours Of Beggatron’, some lead-coated wordplay which revolves around a shit clothing line that may or may not have once considered putting RFID tracking chips in their clothes. Ho hum.

Speaking of hip hop, remember when Mark Ronson was Tim Westwood? We haven’t laughed this much since we found that turd in Grandpa’s cutlery drawer.